It all started out innocently enough; you promised yourself that your kids would have a different upbringing than you did. They would have a “better” life you told yourself. Little did you realize that their better life would involve you not having one of your own, at least not like you imagined.
Imagine this: you’ve been with the kids all day. Three meals, five diapers, two “accidents”, a bunch of sticky stuff on the kitchen table, vacuumed four times, one park visit. Now your husband comes home and reminds you it’s date night tonight. You get ready, the sitter gets there and your husband turns on the car. Then before you can make it out the door, the little ones are crying because they don’t want you to go. Then the hammer of guilt strikes you right in the heart. Then it happens, you begin to feel guilty. Should you go out? You did have a grueling day, but the kids want you to stay. Their little eyes are filled with tears.
This is just one example of mom guilt. Here are some instances where moms feel guilt and ways you can deal with these feelings:
The other mothers pack the healthiest lunches for their children, and your child has an Oreo with his sandwich. We have all seen the children who come to school with only organic, fresh, non-processed, sandwiches with cute little faces on their lunches. Many moms can begin to feel guilty that they are not providing an as healthy meal for their children as the other “perfect” moms. Well don’t! If you send your child to school with lunch that you know that they will actually eat and not trade or throw out, you should shed yourself of guilt. You know your child best and are providing him with a balanced meal you know he will eat.
Your child uses their iPad or tablet too much. According to a survey of 1000 Canadian mothers, they feel most guilt about allowing their children to spend time on electronic devices https://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/this-is-the-1-source-of-mom-guilt/. Nowadays almost all children are using these devices for at least an hour a day.
Courtesy Google Images.
From entertaining games to educational games to “Kids YouTube” to Netflix app, kids can’t get enough of these fun devices. When moms have to get some cleaning done these devices are a great way to keep the kids busy. So why are moms feeling so guilty? Probably because there is a perception that that these devices aren’t necessarily good for children. Some believe they can hinder mental development. These ideas replace the prior decade’s idea that television can harm children’s development. The truth is moms shouldn’t feel guilty allowing their children to use these devices for a short amount of time to get things done.
Your children are acting up and you yell at them. Afterwards the guilt sets in. Moms always seem to feel guilty for disciplining their children. According to a survey conducted by an author and social worker, this is the issue that truly invokes mom guilt in most mothers. https://www.babycenter.com/0_top-7-mommy-guilt-trips-and-how-to-handle-them_3654967.bc?page=4 . So how does one discipline their children sans the mom guilt? The truth is, kids need discipline. My advice is to only yell if necessary. If they are deserving of being yelled at by all means do it. You would rather have a child who understands right from wrong that have massive regrets when they are older and your words will count less.
Bills are due every month. Sometimes one income doesn’t cut it, so mom returns to work. Here it comes, can you feel that…it’s a big dose of mom guilt. The main culprit is the idea that moms believe they are not spending enough time with their children because they are working. However, Pew Research Survey found that mothers who stay at home are just as happy as mothers who work. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2009/10/01/the-harried-life-of-the-working-mother/ .So, it would appear that moms who stay home all day are not happier than those that go to work. Overall, mothers should not feel guilt for returning to work. If anything they should feel pride that they are able to earn so that their child can have the finer things in life.
I Could Go On…
If I listed all the mom guilt causers, I would truly be here all day. However, the main point is mothers should not feel guilt for actions they are taking to better their lives and the lives of their children. Mothers need a break with date night, children need discipline. If someone you know or something you read is making you feel guilty, ignore it. You are doing the best you can and deserve to be guilt free. If there are other mom guilt scenarios you’ve come across in your journey of motherhood I would love to read them in the comments, I know I didn’t catch them all. Also if you have ways of combating mom guilt please share them with our audience so we can get through this together! See you in the comments!