Are You Member of the Secret Mom Guilt Society? You’re Not Alone.

It all started out innocently enough; you promised yourself that your kids would have a different upbringing than you did. They would have a “better” life you told yourself. Little did you realize that their better life would involve you not having one of your own, at least not like you imagined.

Imagine this: you’ve been with the kids all day. Three meals, five diapers, two “accidents”, a bunch of sticky stuff on the kitchen table, vacuumed four times, one park visit. Now your husband comes home and reminds you it’s date night tonight. You get ready, the sitter gets there and your husband turns on the car. Then before you can make it out the door, the little ones are crying because they don’t want you to go. Then the hammer of guilt strikes you right in the heart. Then it happens, you begin to feel guilty. Should you go out? You did have a grueling day, but the kids want you to stay. Their little eyes are filled with tears.

This is just one example of mom guilt. Here are some instances where moms feel guilt and ways you can deal with these feelings:

Food:

The other mothers pack the healthiest lunches for their children, and your child has an Oreo with his sandwich. We have all seen the children who come to school with only organic, fresh, non-processed, sandwiches with cute little faces on their lunches. Many moms can begin to feel guilty that they are not providing an as healthy meal for their children as the other “perfect” moms. Well don’t! If you send your child to school with lunch that you know that they will actually eat and not trade or throw out, you should shed yourself of guilt. You know your child best and are providing him with a balanced meal you know he will eat.

Electronics:

Courtesy of Google Images

Your child uses their iPad or tablet too much. According to a survey of 1000 Canadian mothers, they feel most guilt about allowing their children to spend time on electronic devices https://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/this-is-the-1-source-of-mom-guilt/. Nowadays almost all children are using these devices for at least an hour a day.

Courtesy Google Images.

From entertaining games to educational games to “Kids YouTube” to Netflix app, kids can’t get enough of these fun devices. When moms have to get some cleaning done these devices are a great way to keep the kids busy. So why are moms feeling so guilty? Probably because there is a perception that that these devices aren’t necessarily good for children.  Some believe they can hinder mental development. These ideas replace the prior decade’s idea that television can harm children’s development. The truth is moms shouldn’t feel guilty allowing their children to use these devices for a short amount of time to get things done.

Discipline:

Your children are acting up and you yell at them. Afterwards the guilt sets in. Moms always seem to feel guilty for disciplining their children. According to a survey conducted by an author and social worker, this is the issue that truly invokes mom guilt in most mothers. https://www.babycenter.com/0_top-7-mommy-guilt-trips-and-how-to-handle-them_3654967.bc?page=4 . So how does one discipline their children sans the mom guilt? The truth is, kids need discipline. My advice is to only yell if necessary. If they are deserving of being yelled at by all means do it. You would rather have a child who understands right from wrong that have massive regrets when they are older and your words will count less.

Work/Life Balance:

Bills are due every month. Sometimes one income doesn’t cut it, so mom returns to work. Here it comes, can you feel that…it’s a big dose of mom guilt. The main culprit is the idea that moms believe they are not spending enough time with their children because they are working. However, Pew Research Survey found that mothers who stay at home are just as happy as mothers who work.  http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2009/10/01/the-harried-life-of-the-working-mother/ .So, it would appear that moms who stay home all day are not happier than those that go to work. Overall, mothers should not feel guilt for returning to work. If anything they should feel pride that they are able to earn so that their child can have the finer things in life.

I Could Go On…

If I listed all the mom guilt causers, I would truly be here all day. However, the main point is mothers should not feel guilt for actions they are taking to better their lives and the lives of their children. Mothers need a break with date night, children need discipline. If someone you know or something you read is making you feel guilty, ignore it. You are doing the best you can and deserve to be guilt free. If there are other mom guilt scenarios you’ve come across in your journey of motherhood I would love to read them in the comments, I know I didn’t catch them all. Also if you have ways of combating mom guilt please share them with our audience so we can get through this together! See you in the comments!

                                                                                                     

Top 5 Ways We, As Mom’s Can Save Some Time.

Top 5 Ways We, As Mom’s Can Save Some Time.

As a mom of two adorable, sweet and hyper boys, I have learned quite a bit about the art of being late to appointments, parties and so on. However, within the last few years, I have started to create little shortcuts that help me to be on time, most of the time. This list below does not include all time saving advice, but I capped it at five for now.

  1. Start a time diary. Where are you spending your time? Is it on Facebook, talking to friends on the phone, texting, or cleaning up messes? Whatever it is you need to be aware of your time eaters and try and to eliminate or group somethings together that can save you time. I have been able to combine errands and sometimes my children’s sports lessons just to save some time.
  2. Keep a family calendar. Once you are able to determine what is munching your time, you can begin to plan more efficiently. Create a calendar  and put it in a place where the entire family can see it to better coordinate playdates, soccer practices and date nights. It’s important for the family to see what is planned for the week.
  3. Combine all of your daily errands if possible. Try and schedule all dentist appointments for the same day, with all time slots following one another. Try and do the same when it comes to swimming lessons and grocery and bank trips. This will definitely save time, and sometimes money, if you have to pay tolls or pay for parking.
  4. Prepare the night before what everyone will wear and eat. Getting ready with kids is hard enough but add yourself and sometimes your significant other in the mix, the challenge has now accelerated to a crazy level. If you are in need of a quick exit from the house the next day, lay out the entire families clothes the night before and get the kids to agree so there aren’t any last minute wardrobe meltdowns. Same goes for meals. Plan as far ahead as you can when it comes to meals. Trust me, even being semi-prepared for the next day can change your entire week.
  5. Set up as many bills as possible to auto pay. This may seem like it would have a small impact, however, time paying bills can add up over time. Personally, I have saved hours a month by setting up my bills on auto pay.

Overall there are probably hundreds of ways to cut time from doing chores or other necessary task so that you can spend it doing things you want to do like family time and me time. No matter how much time you save, it will never feel like you have enough time in a day to do all you want or need. If you have a time saving tip, please comment below, we can all benefit from sharing these ideas.